Welcome once again to that benighted realm of old horror tat that is the Tomb of the Trumps! No, don't touch that! You look with your eyes not with your hands! ...Anyhow, now that you're all behaving yourselves, let's unveils this week's lurid exhibits! First up, we have this goggle-eyed twonk!
Now quite why this being was called Maggot we know not. For he is not some species of fly larvae, and is also clearly of a far too strapping build to warrant a name that implies being small and 'orrible. Although 'orrible and slimy 'e certainly is - enough to make me drop me aitches all over the shop! But enough quibbling over nomenclature, for considering some of the title/image combos served up by these deck, Maggot is definitely at the sensible end of things. So then where does this fellow originally hail from?
Well, as fans of tatty of TV SF may well have guessed, this beastie is actually one of the many silly aliens that menaced the Robinson family in the classic show Lost in Space! And here he is getting up close and personal with the nefarious Dr Smith!
Yes, this was Keema who appeared in the episode The Golden Man in Season 2 of the cult series, and originally appeared in a somewhat less drippy from as, you guessed it, a golden man. Airing on December 28th 1966, this episode had the Robinsons encountering Keema who claimed to fighting against an evil frog - no, seriously! However in classic/cliche style (delete as applicable) it turned out that the nice and bling looking Keema was really the nasty one and the frog was nice. In traditional fashion, in the end the shifty sod was unmasked as being even more disgusting looking - yes, Keema didn't really look like a space glam rocker, but more like a meatball that had lost a fight with a pizza...
Yes, this is one of those very rare instances where the Horror Top Trumps card actually is an improvement on the original! Anyhow, we are sticking with the outer space theme for our next exhibit!
Now this knobbly horror will surely be easily identified by lovers of classic old SF flicks. And neatly enough, once again this is the revealed true form of a nefarious alien up to no good - the titular creature from 1958's I Married A Monster From Outer Space!
Now if you don't know, this movie tells the tale of Marge Farrell (Gloria Talbot, no relation to Larry) who has just got hitched to Bill (Tom Tryon). However very soon Marge suspected that he isn't quite the man she married. Is Bill ill? Unfortunately for Marge, Bill has been taken over by a monster from space, part of a covert invasion from a race facing extinction thanks to their own females dying out! Things look grim for humanity as these aliens just happen to be immune to bullets, but luckily for us, they prove to be powerless against dogs. And hence after their advance party has been torn to shreds by a pair of German Shepherds, the invasion is called off, and Marge is reunited with the real Bill who was stashed in their spaceship.
And things turned out pretty well for Bill in real life too, with Tom Tryon making a successful leap from acting to writing, and penning a string of novels. And these days Tryon is probably bettered remembered as a novelist, having written several books such as The Other and Harvest Home that are now regarded as modern classics of weird fiction.
Next week, we are once again in classic horror territory, with a pair of mis-titled cards featuring images from cult fright flicks!
6 comments:
Couple of unsung heroes from the pack, I feel. I particularly like the expression on Maggot's face as he pokes his talons through the guys skull. A real enthusiast. Maybe not on Headhunter's level of cranial fetishism but not far off.
Maggot has a childish sense of wonder/curiosity on his face as he prises that guys head open. Its almost as Zoltan's mournful expression as he tears his victims torso apart. I always imagined Zoltan returning to his shabby cell in a grim castle, finding an interloper sitting in his favourite chair and immediately killing him vengefully, then only noticing in his death throes that he's cut all Zoltans prized Victor comics up into paper dolls. Bless Maggot though, look at his wee face.
ST.CLAIRE
I suggest the stats for Maggot and Man Eating Plant would be a lot closer in real life. And note their Modus Operandi are virtually identical.. Maggot is unfairly treated with the first three statistics before someone felt guilty and threw him a life-line with a decent Horror Rating.
I think our revered artist never managed to master the art of a claw grasping a skull or body part, the featured beasts always seem to be lightly skiffing their victims with their massive talons or otherwise gently guiding, ushering hand on their back before they inexplicably explode in gore.
ST.CLAIRE
I've always thought the Mena Suvari covered in roses scene in American Beauty (1999) would have been more effective had they used a pack of Horror Top Trumps instead. The Kevin Spacey character could have been a Trumpologist. I'll leave the choice of the individual cards up to the... individual.
Swap the insipid Mena Suvari for Famke Janssen and cover her in Zetan Warlords and Draculas, I say. My 1:6 scale Zetan Warlord custom figure to any man (or woman, however unlikely that is) who can name a more appealing bathfull of squiring material and our hallowed deck.
Yours,
ST.CLAIRE
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